But I stepped on a duck
Sunday, February 28, 2010Three women died together in an accident and went to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She managed to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?” The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
Lighter side of Poems……..To make U Smile
Thursday, February 14, 2008My friend cailes forwarded this some kind of poem that will make you smile in someways. I did. I hope you will.
Keep on smiling always.!!!
Lighter side of Poems……..To make U Smile
Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you.. should be kept in the zoo.
Don’t feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you…
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you?
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And….
I got a heart attack straight away…
God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
Remember laughter is the BEST Medicine!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008***Be Careful What You Wish For***
A little girl named Ashley wanted P1,000.00 badly and
prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the
P1,000.00 When the postal authorities received the
letter addressed to GOD they decided to send it to
President Gloria Arroyo.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused
that he instructed his secretary to send the little
girl a P100 bill.
President Arroyo thought this would appear to be a lot
of money to a little girl. The little girl was
delighted with the P100 and sat down to write a thank
you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money but, I
noticed that for some reason you had to send it
through Manila Malacanang and, as usual, those jerks
deducted P900
_______________ Lai D Polam __________________
"Two Guys, ? Brains?"
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"
more….
**Woman: Dr. An ant entered my vagina, please take it out.
Doctor removes her panties and start making love .
Woman: What are you doing?
Doctor: This is the only way to drown the bastard!
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**Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Ans: YOUR SALARY. It comes once a month last 3 –4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!
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**A lady visited her doctor again, Dr. said: U look more sick & exhausted then b 4.
Are u having 3 meals a day as I advised?
Lady: WHAT? I thought u said 3 MALES a day!!!!
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**Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty. GOD Said" No way; Now As It Is,The Penis is so ugly & U still Suck It. If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up!!
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**A nun went 4 a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she waz pregnant,she cried n said," Shit,we can't even trust cucumber anymore.!
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**A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl & asked" Do U have this? " The girl lifted up her skirt & said," My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!"
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**Schoolgirl: I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION. Class Teacher: Why not? Schoolgirl: Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!"
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**Mother asks daughter, how is married life? Daughter shyly says like BRITISH AIRWAYS. Mother reads the ad & is shocked " 7 DAYS A WEEK,TWICE A DAY,BOTH WAYS!
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**Man to wife: Business is bad if u learn 2 cook we can remove servant. Wife:
ASSHOLE! If u learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman..
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**A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like? Mama dog reply: How I know. Your papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his face" !
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**What's the difference between stress, tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, PANIC is when both are pregnant!
Note: Some of the jokes were taken from my friends who forwarded it to me. I'm giving a credit for them.
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