ZTE scandal alike
Monday, March 10, 2008During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Lesson: If you want to bribe somebody, hit to the target price. Don’t bargain!
Lighter side of Poems……..To make U Smile
Thursday, February 14, 2008My friend cailes forwarded this some kind of poem that will make you smile in someways. I did. I hope you will.
Keep on smiling always.!!!
Lighter side of Poems……..To make U Smile
Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you.. should be kept in the zoo.
Don’t feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you…
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you?
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And….
I got a heart attack straight away…
God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
Funny Faces
Tuesday, February 12, 2008The following are the samples of funny faces my friend has using one of his application in his mobile phone.
Job Interview
Thursday, January 31, 2008Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of US$150,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"
The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
10 reasons computers must be Males
Top 10 reasons computers must be male:
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
Be careful when your kids answer the phone. Simply Funny but tragic!
Hello?"
"Hi Baby. This is Daddy. Is your mom
near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She’s upstairs in the bedroom with
Uncle Francis."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But
baby, you haven’t got an Uncle Francis."
"Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the
room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want
you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run
upstairs and knock on the
bedroom door and shout to Mommy that
Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl
comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened Baby?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped
out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she
tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t
moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle
Francis?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no
clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back
windowand into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that
you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of
the pool and I think he’s dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? …………Is this 486-5731?"
Be careful of your answer
Friday, January 18, 2008 
A boy go home early from school and hurried to do his homework. He cant figure out how to answer some part, he asked his mother,
Boy: Mother will you tell me what is SEX?
Mother: Oh Holy God my son, is that your home work? you are so young to know that thing.
Boy: Please mother answer my question for my teacher will get angry if i fail to answer it.
Mother: OK, Sex is the one that the husband and wife are doing to express their love to each other and a little boy just like you
need not to know those things.
Boy:Ok mother, thank you so much!
The boy went back to his room but his mind is puzzled again."How can i write the answers of my mother with this BIODATA.
The SEX:______ part has only a small space."
Lesson: You have to ask first what's really the question so that you can have an appropriate answer.
Remember laughter is the BEST Medicine!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008***Be Careful What You Wish For***
A little girl named Ashley wanted P1,000.00 badly and
prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the
P1,000.00 When the postal authorities received the
letter addressed to GOD they decided to send it to
President Gloria Arroyo.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused
that he instructed his secretary to send the little
girl a P100 bill.
President Arroyo thought this would appear to be a lot
of money to a little girl. The little girl was
delighted with the P100 and sat down to write a thank
you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money but, I
noticed that for some reason you had to send it
through Manila Malacanang and, as usual, those jerks
deducted P900
_______________ Lai D Polam __________________
"Two Guys, ? Brains?"
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"
more….
**Woman: Dr. An ant entered my vagina, please take it out.
Doctor removes her panties and start making love .
Woman: What are you doing?
Doctor: This is the only way to drown the bastard!
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**Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Ans: YOUR SALARY. It comes once a month last 3 –4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!
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**A lady visited her doctor again, Dr. said: U look more sick & exhausted then b 4.
Are u having 3 meals a day as I advised?
Lady: WHAT? I thought u said 3 MALES a day!!!!
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**Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty. GOD Said" No way; Now As It Is,The Penis is so ugly & U still Suck It. If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up!!
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**A nun went 4 a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she waz pregnant,she cried n said," Shit,we can't even trust cucumber anymore.!
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**A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl & asked" Do U have this? " The girl lifted up her skirt & said," My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!"
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**Schoolgirl: I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION. Class Teacher: Why not? Schoolgirl: Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!"
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**Mother asks daughter, how is married life? Daughter shyly says like BRITISH AIRWAYS. Mother reads the ad & is shocked " 7 DAYS A WEEK,TWICE A DAY,BOTH WAYS!
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**Man to wife: Business is bad if u learn 2 cook we can remove servant. Wife:
ASSHOLE! If u learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman..
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**A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like? Mama dog reply: How I know. Your papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his face" !
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**What's the difference between stress, tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, PANIC is when both are pregnant!
Note: Some of the jokes were taken from my friends who forwarded it to me. I'm giving a credit for them.
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